


i'll take you down one by one

by Daten_Shi



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Crew as Family, Family, Family Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 14:27:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8375656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daten_Shi/pseuds/Daten_Shi
Summary: He heard the squeak of a boot on the floor just around the corner and froze, tensed and waiting. Bones held his breath. Seconds ticked by.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For my friend's birthday, who - when I asked what they would like me to write - said "I would be perfectly happy with anything with Bones being grouchy Team Dad." So here it is. Short, written in two hours, and silly as fuck.
> 
> I do not own anything.
> 
> I'm sorry about the accents, I have a really hard time writing them correctly.

Bones stalked through the halls of the _Enterprise_ , gun at the ready and footsteps silent as he kept alert. ‘ _This is all Jim’s fault,_ ’ he thought. ‘ _Should’ve known this would happen on a ship full of damn infants. They’ll know better than to pull anything like this again once I’m done with them._ ’ He heard the squeak of a boot on the floor just around the corner and froze, tensed and waiting. Bones held his breath. Seconds ticked by. Scotty poked his head out into the hallway and Bones’ finger squeezed the trigger, firing–

A foam Nerf bullet hit Scotty on the nose. “Ach! Did yeh have teh do tha’?”

“Name of the game, Scotty.” Bones smirked, patting him on the shoulder. “You’re out, so go.” Scotty trudged passed, grumbling as he forfeited his Nerf gun to Bones, as per the rules they had established beforehand: if someone shoots you, you’re out and you must hand over your weapon and all your ammo to the one who shot you. “One down, five to go.”

It didn’t take him very long to find Sulu and Chekov; they couldn’t stop giggling, as if Bones couldn’t hear them. He loomed over the artificial bush they were crouched behind in one of the observation decks and popped off two shots. Chekov pouted up at him, like he had betrayed him monumentally instead of shooting him with a foam bullet. “You’re the worst,” Sulu complained, flopping back.

“Weapons and ammo, then go join Scotty.” As much as Bones didn’t want to admit it, he was enjoying this. The rest of them caused him too much stress with all of their away missions that went wrong; this was definitely making him feel better.

Sulu muttered under his breath, but handed over the required items nonetheless. Chekov frowned at him, “You can be wery mean, Doctor.”

“Tell me something new,” he replied as he went off in search of the others. ‘ _Three down, three to go._ ’

Five minutes later, Bones immediately knew something was up when Jim was suspiciously easy to find. After all, it’s rather hard to miss someone jumping out at the end of the hall ten feet away with a triumphant shout of “Aha!” In a heartbeat, Bones’ Nerf gun fired. Before the foam bullet made contact with Jim’s chest, Bones dropped down and rolled, firing off two shots at the opposite end of the hall. One bullet hit Spock in the shoulder, while the other hit Uhura in the gut. Bones was victorious. “Aw, damn.” Jim pouted playfully. “Spock’s plan should’ve worked.”

“It appears that I miscalculated the doctor’s skill set related to this particular… ‘training exercise’.” Spock raised an eyebrow at Jim as he used the captain’s own phrase for what they were doing. Uhura rolled her eyes, accepting their loss with grace before headed to the Rec Room 2 where those who got out were supposed to go.

“C’mon you damn brats,” he ushered them to follow Uhura, bringing up the rear incase Jim tried to escape.

Scotty, Sulu, and Chekov were already sitting at the table when they got there. Uhura sat next to Chekov, leaving the two open seats next to Scotty for Jim and Spock. Bones towered over them, crossing him arms and tapping his foot. The only response he got was Jim, Scotty, Sulu, and Chekov looking down at the table like chastised children.

“Well,” Bones drawled, raising an eyebrow, “what do y’all have to say for yourselves?”

Jim peeked up at him, “Congrats on winning the Nerf war, Bones?”

Bones rolled his eyes, cuffing Jim on the back of the head lightly. “No more Nerf battles. Y’all are _adults_ for Pete’s sake! _Pretend_ like you’re not all toddlers at heart!”

“ _Yes, Dad_.” Jim grinned, looking up at him for real this time.

“Da, Papa,” Chekov’s bright smile accompanied his words.

Sulu added, “Sure, Dad, no problem.”

“Aye, Father, ‘t was jus’ a wee game!”

Bones groaned, looked at Spock and Uhura for some help. Or at least some sanity.

Spock looked Bones dead in the eye. “I do not believe that will prove to be a problem, Father.” Bones could hear the others’ muffled snickering, but at least they were trying to restrain themselves. It was a small mercy.

Uhura smiled innocently, but the mischievous gleam in her eyes belied her true intentions. “Of course, Dad.”

Bones moaned again, shaking his head in exasperation as the muffled snickers turned into full-bellied laughter. A thought hit him, and Bones froze, smirking. He looked up and waited for the laughter to quiet.

After another minute, he could finally speak again. “Alright, kiddos. Bedtime is at 9:00 pm sharp, and all y’all will be eating a full serving of vegetables, or no desert. Do ya still need to be read a bedtime story before it’s sleepy time?”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not that sorry.
> 
> Bones was a little bit based off my own dad, who does have multiple Nerf guns, and will absolutlely get into Nerf battles with us and probably win.


End file.
